Six Sigma Elections

For the record, I voted for Trump. I’m not mad that a Democrat won an election, but I am mad that the Democrat cheated. What do you mean Biden cheated? Everyone knows there was no evidence of cheating? Actually, there is massive evidence of cheating, but it is all STATISTICAL evidence, and that means nobody understand it except me, and a few other data nerds. Remember, I write porn for fun, but my day job is as a Six Sigma Black Belt. I’m kind of an expert on applying statistics in the real world problems. So here goes.

If you have more votes than voters, that is literally proof of fraud (picture a good old bar chart). If you have 100 voters in your precinct, but when you get done counting votes, you have 130 votes, somebody just cheated. That is literally the definition of cheating, and it happened more than once in this election, and it was by way more than 30 votes.

If you are tracking votes over time (using a Run Chart), and as time goes by, votes for your candidate go down, that is literally proof of fraud. It goes like this. Polls up at 12:01 and by 1:00, your candidate has 10,000 votes, and my candidate has 10,000 votes. By 2:00 in the morning, your candidate has 20,000 votes and my candidate has 20,000 votes. But at 3:00 in the morning, my candidate has 30,000 votes and your candidate suddenly has zero votes. You just lost 30,000 votes. Where did your candidate’s votes go? Somebody just stole them! Now, by the end of the day, 30,000 votes is hardly noticeable. When votes from our precinct are aggregated into a statewide total, it’s nearly impossible to see that change. But that same change of 30,000 votes stolen in the middle of the night happened in multiple state, and it was enough to swing the election.

Finally, if votes have been coming in all day at a ratio of about 50:50–that is 50% for the Democrat and 50% for the Republican–and in the middle of the night 130,000 votes mysteriously appear and they are 100% for one candidate or the other that, my friends, is cheating. It is blatant. It is absolute. There is no doubt about it. No question. It is not a “statistical fluke,” it is not “unlikely but possible.” No. It is literally cheating, and we all sat on our hands and watched it happen. Why? Because we don’t understand the numbers. This is a very bad thing.

So, why I am injecting a very bad thing into a porn blog? Because I have to be honest about who I am. I like data. I do my best to understand the numbers. And I hate things that don’t work right. So, this is me, just being honest about who I am as a person. You’re welcome.

By Chumba

Chumba Poxwally is a Lean Six Sigma Black Belt who travels all over the world helping businesses run better and collecting erotic stories.